Forget SUVs & steak dinners. These progs are coming for your KIDS

Kids these days. Wanting to be born and happy. Bunch of weirdos.

Don’t they know they are killing the planet?! Yet ironically, it was researchers who were both born and encouraged to live fruitful lives who are now telling us such a thing in the name of (Thomas Dolby voice) “Science!”, but I digress.

No, actually, I don’t, since the irony is the whole darned point. It is patently absurd for people who are obnoxiously breathing oxygen in the here and now to tell future generations that they shouldn’t enjoy the same pleasure.

I’m talking about people like Jill Filipovic, who tweeted this week in response to the study published in Environmental Research Letters that “having children is one of the worst things you can do for the planet.”

According to the study cited in Filipovic’s ode to a barren womb, childlessness far outpaces selling your car, avoiding long flights, and eating a vegetarian diet in things you can do to “for the planet.” But the study also mentions that these lesser actions also have infinitely more value than recycling or using low-energy light bulbs, which are the most common public service suggestions kids learn about in school to help “save” the planet.

Ah, I see the problem. No one wants to tell rich leftists, elitist academics, and Hollywood SJWs to sell their cars, their planes, or their mansions in order to kick things up a notch in the fight against fake global warming. Because their hypocrisy is etched in stoned — if you know what I mean. Can I get a witness?

But tell them that not existing at all would be a good start, and now you have their attention — as long as it’s somebody else who is doing the not-existing, of course. It’s kind of like rich aristocrats during the Civil War who paid for other people’s children to go do their fighting for them.

“Sure, I’d be happy to throw somebody else in front of a bullet for the cause!” Get thee behind me, Satan.

Speaking of Satan, this brings us back to Filipovic, who is a lawyer and the author of The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness. In it, she lays out that “what women really want” is exactly that — whatever puts a smile on their faces. But hey, let’s try some actual science, shall we? If you want to have a smile on your face, what do you need to happen first?

That’s right! To be born.

No matter if you are a conservative or a progressive, a Christian or an atheist, you need that first. It’s not negotiable. And if you want your brand of philosophy or spirituality to win out in the long haul, one of the most tried and true means of victory is good old-fashion breeding.

If I didn’t know any better, it’s almost as if the current strain of progressivism’s deepest wish is to download its consciousness into robot people, complete with ambiguous genitalia and undetermined genders, and wait it out until the last actual human on earth dies before shouting “We did it!”

On second thought, I do know better. That is its deepest and dumbest wish. After all, “the fool says in his heart there is no God.”

What a pathetic and lonely vision. Yet that’s exactly how we get a world where a planet is valued with transcendental fervor and animals’ lives are defended with endless vigor, but the very human beings who are doing such wish-casting are constantly weighed and measured as expendable loss leaders.

You see, we must have observers to value that which is valuable, as well as to help establish the quality and the categories of the value we wish to consider in the first place. Planets can’t do that for themselves. Strange that a bunch of Darwinists don’t seem to understand that.

However, in this era of dangerous division and political rhetoric leading to violence, I’m willing to extend an olive branch and reconsider Filipovic’s pointless point if she simply does one simple thing.

Since she, too, was once a child (and mentally still is), I think it’s only fair she first test her theory on herself. You know, just to add credibility to her cause by showing us she’s really committed to it.

I mean, it’s not like progressives ask the rest of us plebeians to suffer foolishness they often exempt themselves from, right?