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General Tso Made Us Chicken

Remember Red Dawn? That was the super-awesome 1984 film about how the Soviets and Cubans invaded the U.S. and were ultimately defeated by a ragtag band of kids. At the time I was a kid too, so it was the greatest thing I'd ever seen.  I all but wished that we would be invaded just so I could form a ragtag militia and shoot bazookas and down Mi-24 Hind helicopters and defeat the terrible Soviets.

Like all movies this one was recently remade, but since the Soviet threat has been gone for 20 years they needed a modern one. The writers opted for China. That seems fair enough - they have a big military, they can be aggressive, they have piano players who whip out nationalist tunes at White House dinners. And, after all, it's a freaking movie, so why not?

I'll tell you why not. Because New America™ is afraid to hurt China's feelings. With the film in the can, distributors started to worry about offending the Chinese government and losing valuable market share. Says the Los Angeles Times:

As a result, the filmmakers now are digitally erasing Chinese flags and military symbols from "Red Dawn," substituting dialogue and altering the film to depict much of the invading force as being from North Korea, an isolated country where American media companies have no dollars at stake.

A little Stalinesque photo retouching never hurt anybody, right? Looking forward to the China-scrubbed remakes of The Kazakhstan Syndrome and the Uzbekistanian Candidate.


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