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How should liberals celebrate the 4th of July?


Ronald Reagan once observed that “Republicans believe every day is the 4th of July, but the Democrats believe every day is April 15th.”

A new Harvard University study seems to confirm Reagan's suspicions.  According to the Ivy League pipe smokers, patriotic Independence Day celebrations are a boon for conservatives and tend to lead more individuals to support Republicans.

It seems Democrats have a patriotism problem.

This Harvard "study" has led many around the blogosphere to wonder how Democrats could better re-"appropriate" the 4th of July to suit their own sensibilities. I believe Ace of Spades has the best Top 10 ways:

10. Include a disclaimer on celebration notices warning that displays of patriotism might endanger children's welfare.

9. Have the EPA require that celebrations use only fireworks that are environmentally friendly and greenhouse gas neutral.

8. Include a ritual apology to Great Britain after all readings of the Declaration of Independence.

7. Have the National Endowment for the Arts fund naked interpretive dance troupes at July Fourth parades. Also, drum circles.

6. Burn slave-owning Founders in effigy.

5. Have the NLRB require that all parade volunteers be unionized.

4. Serve soy chai lattes at July Fourth parades.

3. A free bong hits booth at every parade.

2. Require that children have a permission slip to attend signed by . . . their school principal.

And the Number 1 way that Democrats could re-appropriate the Fourth of July is

1. Actually love their country and talk about it without always saying "I love America, but [issue probably having to do with their relationship with their fathers]."

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