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Office Juice Cleanse Diary: Day One

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Day one of the office juice cleanse is coming to a close. The cleanse is a three day all-liquid diet that claims to help rid your body of toxins while promoting weight loss.  The science behind such claims is dubious to anyone who does a little research, nevertheless, plenty of people in the office opted to give it a shot.

Despite the medical evidence to the contrary I had to riff off of my environs and chose to dub the event Restoring Colon. Fortunately, Paul the graphic designer was able to stop working on important stuff in order to whip up a poster for this most important occasion. (Apologies if the GBTV graphics aren’t ready until November)

Fractures are clearly beginning to form in the willpower of some of the participants. One hinted that she might have to “eat something” at home – in clear violation of the protocols of juice cleansing. There is muttering in the hallways. The normal greeting of “How are you?” has been replaced by “Are you doing this juice thing?” as participants try to determine who is suffering horribly with them and who is not.

Those who are not include myself, Dominic and Keith. The three of us enjoyed a delicious lunch in the kitchen today as empty-bellied juicers looked on with their sad, starving eyes. Keith ate something from Subway. I can only assume it was delicious. Dom and I took advantage of the city’s many wonderful sodium-laden sidewalk food carts. Dom opted for chicken over rice while I headed to the Kwik Lunch cart run by Mohammed from Bangladesh. He marinates his lamb in un-ripened papaya. It was stellar. We made sure to parade our food through the office - take-out lids off for maximum olfactory impact.

Life’s not a bowl of cherries when you’re suffering from hunger pangs. I know. People can get delusional and rumors abound. News that S.E. Cupp had slaughtered, barbecued and devoured a calf in full view of several starving, empty-boweled interns had made it halfway across the office before it was proven untrue. Turns out she’d only had a delightful and filling bacon sandwich.

Now, three days with no food is hard to swallow. Clearly not all who have embarked on this endeavor will have the stomach to make it to the finish on Thursday. And that bites. Those of us with un-empty bellies and un-cleansed colons feel for our office colleagues. Really, we do. We want them to know they have our full support. We sincerely hope they make it to Thursday. But if Sundae happens first – we totally understand.

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