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Transgender man upset women won't date him: 'Dating when I was a lesbian was infinitely easier'


"Ignorance" is to blame

Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images

In an opinion piece for Vice.com, transgender man Lee Hurley bewailed his plight in the dating arena, criticizing women for "ghosting" him once they find out that he is transgender (that is, a biological woman, too).

"Internet dating when I was a lesbian was infinitely easier than how it is now as a trans man," Hurley lamented. "As a trans guy, the majority don't seem to know what to make of me, so they run away."

Perhaps the lack of success was due to the timing of the reveal? No, Hurley said he put that theory to the test and the results were clear.

"I've played around with the big reveal and I know the two are linked. It's hard not to see a connection when you arrange a second date, drop the T bomb and then she cancels in the next breath," he argued. "I'd be chatting with a woman, making her laugh and seemingly getting on well. Then I'd tell her and she'd vanish. Over and over and over. Before dates, during dates, after dates, it didn't matter. The result was almost always the same."

Disheartened and looking for answers, Hurley posted on the subreddit /r/dating_advice, asking, "Why do women vanish when I tell them I'm a trans guy?"

One commenter said, "A woman born a woman is always a woman, no matter what."

Another replied, "It's probably the genital issue."

Still another: "I would assume it's the thought that you don't have a penis that puts them off."

Women obviously want a 'real' man – one born that way, Hurley was told.

Ultimately, Hurley concluded that "ignorance" regarding transgender people was to blame.

"It made me feel sorry for those who have such a limited view of how gender and sexuality works and it helped me realise that it isn't, actually, anything to do with me," Hurley concluded. "It's a societal problem, theirs not mine."

So, in conclusion, women who won't date a transgender man are "ignorant" and have a "limited view of how gender and sexuality works? Got it.

This is not to mention the unfair standard to which transgender people are held when they are expected to disclose certain pertinent facts about themselves.

"That, really, is the whole issue in a nutshell," Hurley argued. "We hold trans people to a higher standard than anyone else when it comes to dating. We require of them more than we ask of others."

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