‘Madame Web’ Review: MCU once again turns M-She-U in latest flop

“Madame Web” was just released on Valentine’s Day, and it’s already considered a failure of epic proportions. Despite starring big names such as Dakota Johnson and Sydney Sweeney, the film received an abysmal IMDb rating of 3.8/10 stars and a Rotten Tomatoes score of 12%.

“I do not believe that ‘Madame Web’ is a film that was honestly made with the intention of either being profitable or well received,” says Lauren Chen, adding that the movie is so bad that it seems like it was created by the same studio that produced “2-Headed Shark Attack.”

However, Sony Pictures is the studio behind “Madame Web,” which is a shame considering the conglomerate has been “praised and made a lot of money” in the past.

“For the first 10 minutes or so, I did not believe that I was actually watching the movie. I was thinking to myself: Has a parody of the film already managed to come out and that is what I'm accidentally being shown?” Lauren recounts, noting that the opening scene is just “so cheesy.”

“I present to you ‘Madame Web's’ opening scene,” she continues, reading some of the film’s initial dialogue.

Ezekiel Sims: “That spider can give superhuman strength and power, right? Las Arañas?”

Cassandra’s mom: “Las Arañas, the mythical spider people who run across the treetops and punish evil men with their black poison webs? I like to base my research in science, not legends, Mr. Sims.”

Ezekiel Sims: “Those spiders are wasted here.”

Cassandra’s mom: “These little spiders have the potential to cure hundreds of diseases.”

“How did that make it past the initial edit?!” asks Lauren in disbelief. “There are so many different people who are involved in making a movie…No one was like, ‘Hold up, let's give that another go’?”

Soon after this scene, Cassandra’s mom “just appears on screen with a little spider in her jar and announces, ‘I found it,”’ but the actual locating of the spider “happens off screen,” which makes little sense considering “the entire film is based around [that event].”

Ezekiel then proceeds to kill Cassandra’s mom and her entire team in order to steal the spider, but before her mother’s death, infant Cassandra is delivered by the Las Arañas, who just show up out of the blue. They take her to their “spider cave,” and then suddenly the film “fast-forwards to 2003 New York and now Cassie is all grown up.”

And that’s just the beginning of the film.

Between “three spider-women ... a white one, a Latina one, and a black one,” a weak connection to Peter Parker from the original Spider-Man franchise, plotlines that make no sense, and “annoying characters,” “Madame Web” fails so catastrophically, it can’t even be considered “an entertaining hate watch,” says Lauren.

To hear more of Lauren’s analysis, watch the video below.

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