Making the Democrats Great Again

Now that President Trump and Team GOP have sold us out — or chickened out — on multiple fronts in a mere 100 days or so, it’s time to stick the fork even deeper in our eye and twist it.

Who wants to talk Election 2020?

I know, I know — you still haven’t gotten over the assortment of nervous twitches you developed from that last proctology exam masquerading as a vote for the leader of the free world we just went through. But alas, here we are, left to wonder if the Republicans have already managed to squander a populist rejection of Obama and Hillary in favor of self-immolation.

But as the great prophet Lee Corso would say, "Not so fast, my friends." For if you're not paying attention, the Democrats are working hard to be even more dislikable, mistrusted, and out of touch than the Republicans.

It shouldn't be this way; Democrats should be sailing as the minority party to a majority that more and more Americans are giving up on each day. Heck, even Ann Coulter has gone from "In Trump We Trust" books to saying Trump is flirting with an "epic betrayal." Because life comes at you fast, bro.

If Democrats could just do two simple things, the odds of one of them winning the White House in 2020 are at about the odds of me saying “yes” to the chocolate lava cake at Fleming's.

1. Nominate someone who is actually likeable — not a criminal, or someone pathologically immune to the truth. 

   Seems obvious, but when your basic progressive worldview is fake news, real people are few and far between. All the hindsight that has labeled Hillary Clinton as a uniquely terrible candidate is too narrowly tailored in its proclamations. She's probably the only person the Democrats could've possibly nominated that would've lost to Trump … except for anyone else they could've nominated.For let us not forget Hillary won the nomination. She beat everyone else, despite her well-known and systemic weaknesses. So let's face it, again: It's not like we've seen a bench of likable and honest Democrats step into the void here so far, have we?

2. Democrats must repudiate the Thugocracy of snowflakes, nitwits, and Marxist bullies that represent them on college campuses and social media. 

   My goodness — even MSNBC’s Chris Matthews was on record last week as understanding this. And when he’s the guy telling you you’ve gone off the deep end, then you really are a total joke.Do Democrats have it in them to nominate a solid individual who thinks suing nuns is stupid, and recognizes no one normal wants their kids seeing Bill Nye dance to songs about "sex junk"?

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See, as much as most of America is already tired of Trump's fake-tough-guy douchy shtick, it's even more fed up with leftist bullies and brats. So as long as they're the face of the Democrat Party, Trump can probably break whatever campaign promises he hasn't already broken and be just fine.

That's why it's simple to see which two things Democrats must do to win again; it's just not necessarily easy. The Thugocracy could very well be who they are now. Nye no longer remembering that chromosomes determine gender, and not my feelings, could very well be who they are now.

If Democrats were actually capable of the integrity, likeability, and normalcy it takes to defeat Trump and the feckless Republicans, they probably wouldn't have nominated someone with as little integrity, as disliked, and as abnormal of values as Hillary Clinton in the first place.