Dear Comrade Barack-ski: Don't Burn all Your Bridges, Love, Uncle Vladi

Once upon a time (like yesterday), Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, sent a letter to the President of the United States...

Dear Comrade Barack-ski,

It is time to give up switcheroo-ski habit. Make up mind about which country you support. Syria, Saudi Arabia, Iran, or Egypt? Which group? Muslim Brotherhood? Hezbolah? Hamas? Al Qaeda?

Syria situation equal one big mess. Since 2011 world watches Assad slaughter 100,000 of his own peoples, city by city. Your Pantsuit Princess Secretary of State sheds crocodile tears in front of camera. But, behind closed doors she shrugs, “What difference does it make?” So, you follow her lead and switch from concern to “ho hum” and don’t put boots on ground. You decide is not your fight.

Then, you switch again and decide it is your fight and chemical weapon stockpiles in Syria are a problem. You make big teleprompter speech (without consulting Uncle Vladi), about how is not OK to kill peoples using chemical weapons. You draw red line and declare nobody in world can step over it. Nobody, never, ever . . . or else.

Apparently it is OK with you to shoot peoples and blow them up with bombs. Just don’t kill them with chemical weapons.

In this June 17, 2013, file photo, President Barack Obama meets with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Enniskillen, Northern Ireland. Photo Credit: Evan Vucci/AP

You make big speech and point finger to make it “perfectly clear” what happens if anybody crosses red line. You will hit them back. You will hit them hard.

But, it wasn’t very long until you switch and decide not to hit when poison chemical attack in Syria kills 1,500 civilians, including 400 children. Whole world watches and waits for you to hit back at Syria because Assad stepped over your red line. But you whine, “I didn’t say that.” You blame entire world, including Mr. Bush, for red-line statement. Your media press-ti-tutes try to deflect ownership of red line. “Our President didn’t draw that!”

Then you tell world leaders to punish evil Assad. Only France steps up. So you huff and puff and threaten to hit Syria with incredibly light missile attack. But then you switch mind when Congress shoots down plan and says, “no way” for insignificant shot across the bow of Syria.

Barack-ski, you need to un-confuse my mind.

Why do you care about poison chemicals killing small number of children in Syria when you support Planned Parenthood Abortion Factories that use poison chemicals to kill hundreds and thousands of unborn babies every year? Is this about location, location, location? OK to kill babies sleeping in wombs in America? But, not OK to kill children sleeping in beds in Syria?

[sharequote align="center"]It is time to give up switcheroo-ski habit. Make up mind about which country you support.[/sharequote]

But, I’m agreeing with your switch about Iran sanctions. They not working very well. Only hurt Iranian civilians who are growing in hate of the Great Satan country, America. I’m telling you to keep twisting arms of Congress comrades. And keep back-up plan to lift sanctions by Executive Order.

I am thinking it might be time to complete switcheroo-ski with Saudi Arabia. Stop protecting palaces and Rolls Royce limos which are only a missile lob away from Iran warships in Persian Gulf.

You give big clue about switching alliance when Saudi Royals ask for American Navy to protect them. Excuse of “not enough ships to spare” was pretty lame since you had big fierce aircraft carrier, fighter jets, seal teams, and food tasters at your side during African vacation . . . um . . . I am meaning African good will trip that didn’t work out so good when Mandela refused photo-op.

Saudi Royals are not stupid. They know you are capable of pulling switcheroo-ski and becoming kissy-kissy with their enemy once Iran joins nuclear club. Saudis remember when you do this before. You decide is better to make good will gesture to Russia than stick to agreements for missile defense system to protect Poland and Czechoslovakia from Russia.

Saudi Royals are feeling cut off and it pisses them off. They announce replacement of CIA security with snail-eating Frenchies in sissy hats. Is no big deal.

Saudis threaten to stop shopping at America’s military mall? No problem. Already you are kicking out generals, cutting veterans’ benefits, and making military smaller anyway.

Maybe Saudis threaten to close oil spigot? So what? You don’t need their oil since you got country full of drilling and fracking yahoos who can make America energy independent. (Unless Mr. Greenie Gore and EPA Gestapo pull wool over American eyes and shut down drilling to prevent the “warming climate disaster” they made up.)

One thing for sure. Losing support from America will scare Saudi Royals out of their sheets. Maybe they join with Israel and threaten tag-team bombing of nuclear sites in Iran. Then, when you step up to defend new pal Iran, and threaten to hit back at Saudi Arabia and Israel, that will make you #1 switch hitter on entire planet.

In the meantime, I remain your #1 fan.

Love,

Uncle Vladimir Putin

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