It’s Santa time. So it’s a chance for all of us thank the famous and infamous for how much they have improved our year with their crazy comments and juvenile hijinks.
There’s the clownish behavior from pretty much every MSNBC host to rantings of liberal layabouts. Their gifts kept on coming. Now it’s our turn to say thank you.
Pajama Boy – For the mama’s boy in the hipster onesie, a lesson in how real men act. I was going to recommend Season One of “Duck Dynasty,” but you are pretty far gone. So here’s the “Duck Dynasty: Seasons 1-3 Collectors Set,” and we’ll throw in an Amazon gift card that’s only approved for more Duck Dynasty gear. P.S. If you wear the onesie while watching the DVD, Si will personally stop by your house make you gut a deer with using only your Frappuccino cup.
Photo Credit: A&E.com
The Rev. Al Sharpton – Ah Rev. Al, MSNBC’s race-baiter-in-chief – Jesse Jackson in a bad track suit with nowhere near the charisma. What to get a man who’s made his mark on race by pushing the bogus Tawana Brawley rape charges and claiming everything everyone does is due to racism? Aha, “The New York Times Little Black (and White) Book of Crosswords,” at only $11.99 from Amazon. Sure, it’s a few years out of date, but so is Al’s schtick. This is also the 100th anniversary year of the crossword. (Word nerds represent!) And even better, it’s the way Al sees the world – all in black and white.
A&E – The lefty execs at A&E got blindsided when “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson reminded GQ that the Bible is against sin, including homosexuality. Perhaps they might actually try reading the book. Here’s both the “NIV Study Bible” for $22.48 and the “The KJV Study Bible” for $18.43. They need all the help they can get.
Former Rep. Anthony Weiner – Oh, the heck with it. This is too easy. Here’s a list of aps he can use to master the art of the selfie. Or he can call his buddy Barack and ask. Aps like Glitché can set you back a whole $2.99, so it can fit the budget of any unemployed politician.
Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych – Sure, you’ve probably never heard of him. But his sudden friendship with Russian President Putin jeopardizes freedom for roughly 44 million people. He should enjoy a copy of the classic game of Risk, one of my all-time favorites. Viktor should look closely at the board and realize that Ukraine is part of Europe while Russia is not. Hint? Map readers realize it’s the gateway to either continent. Only $22.99, though shipping to Europe might set you back a few Euros.
Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley – O’Malley hails from the place we used to call the Free State. With the Dem majorities, racist gerrymandering and machine politics, Maryland is like Illinois on the Chesapeake. Except Maryland is a bedroom community for our sprawling federal government. “Wire” fans might know O’Malley better as the role model for sleazy, cheating Baltimore Democrat Mayor Tommy Carcetti. For Tommy, er, Martin, “Tammany Hall” by Pandasaurus Games. For just $99.99, he gets the “game of backstabbing, corruption, temporary alliances and taking power at all costs.” If he ever expects a chance at the White House, he needs all the help he can get.
NSA – The NSA is all over the news these days tracking spies home and abroad. I’d buy them a copy of “Where’s Waldo,” but I have no doubt they know where he is. But they seem to have misplaced their copy of the Constitution, especially the Bill of Rights. This one at Amazon is only $4.99. I’ll ship it to them personally if somebody there promises to read it.
Photo Credit: Google Search
Barack Obama – What do you get a president who has everything? Well, what better way to celebrate the Lie of the Year award winner than with his very own 18” X 24” photo of Pinocchio? It’s only $29.99 from the folks at Art.com. String pullers like George Soros cost extra.
Wendy Davis – The pink-shoed Democrat, better known as “Abortion Barbie” for her anti-life filibuster, will fail in her quest to win the Texas governor’s mansion. So what could be a more perfect place for her to hang her hat than the “Barbie Dreamhouse,” only $159.99 from Toys “R” Us.
Joe Scarborough – MSNBC and his political ambitions have turned Scarborough into the media’s favorite white RINO (outside of Huntsman). So here’s the “White Rhinocerous” (sic) from the “CollectA Wild Life Collection” (sic again) at TGF Toys for a pittance of $4.99. (When he runs for prez and loses, that $4.99 doesn’t count toward you contribution limits.) If you order one, please tip them off about the typos. Matching Mika doll sold separately.
The People of Syria – Caught between a monstrous murderous dictator on one side and al Qaeda and other Islamic radicals on the others, all we can wish for them is something money can’t buy – Peace on Earth, good will toward men. Sadly, they won’t get it. They live or try to live in the Mideast.
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