If you're reportedly drunk and wearing only shorts and socks inside a Subway restaurant, your best bet may be to order the Cold Cut Combo and exit before things get weird.
But 50-year-old James Dean Wirick of Lusby, Maryland, apparently had a bit more up his sleeve — or in this case, his pocket.
Because when Calvert County Sheriffs responded to the Prince Frederick business after a report of a suspicious person Friday afternoon, one eyeballed Wirick trying to put candy he hadn't purchased in his pocket.
The cops cuffed and charged him with theft under $100 and disorderly conduct, reported WUSA-TV in Washington, D.C.
And while Wyrick's alleged thievery may not have rattled many cash registers, he reportedly took care of that after arriving at a detention center and ripping a telephone out of the wall — resulting in an additional rap sheet entry: Destruction of property less than $1,000.