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Biological woman who identifies as 'queer male' says desire to get pregnant hit only after hormone-aided transition to male
September 20, 2019
'I was able to view my ability to carry a child as a super power'
In order to "engender empathy and understanding for people whose stories veer from the traditional, societally enforced narratives," online magazine Mother told the story of Spencer Dezart-Smith and husband Kelly Dezart-Smith, both of whom identify as queer.
Thing is, Spencer is transgender and underwent hormone therapy and a double mastectomy over a decade ago and has "presented as 100% male ever since," the magazine said, adding that Spencer specifically "identifies as a queer male."
Soon the couple wanted to start a family, and Mother noted that "Spencer and Kelly could make a baby on their own, as Spencer was still physiologically equipped to get pregnant."
View this post on Instagram"In reality, the process of getting pregnant has been at times difficult in regards to my identity. I never expected that getting pregnant would take this long—five years. For a trans man who is on hormone replacement therapy to try to get pregnant, you need to stop all medication and wait until your cycle comes back and regulates and then you can try. Sounds pretty straight forward, but there are so many emotional and physical aspects that go along with this. Physically, your face softens, facial hair growth will slow down, muscle mass and strength can decrease, and your fat will redistribute to more of a female shape, i.e. around the hips. Emotionally it can be a rollercoaster. You start to feel uncertain about yourself, cry more–or all the time in my case—feel overwhelmed with body dysmorphia, and generally revert back to feeling like you did back when you wanted to change!" -Spencer Dezart-Smith, a pregnant father-to-be, who is sharing his journey on #mothermag (📷: @peter_ds)
A post shared by Mother (@mothermag) on Sep 19, 2019 at 12:16pm PDT
'I was able to view my ability to carry a child as a super power'
Spencer told the magazine getting pregnant wasn't under consideration prior to gender transitioning, but "now that I felt so strong in my male identity and was being read as male exclusively, I was able to view my ability to carry a child as a super power that I was blessed to have. It was like the innately female ability to bear a child didn't overpower the certainty I felt in my male identity. The two things could coexist without one cancelling out the other."
So the couple got pregnant, Mother reported.
View this post on Instagram"I have always wanted to be a parent. I think when I was dating women as a woman I didn't want to be the gestational parent but I still wanted very much to have a family. I couldn't imagine the idea of carrying a child. The whole thing felt way too feminine to me. I think I was trying so hard to reject the feminine parts of myself that I couldn't even entertain the thought. Strangely enough, after my transition I began to change my perspective. Now that I felt so strong in my male identity and was being read as male exclusively, I was able to view my ability to carry a child as a super power that I was blessed to have. It was like the innately female ability to bear a child didn't overpower the certainty I felt in my male identity. The two things could coexist without one cancelling out the other." -Spencer Dezart-Smith, a pregnant father-to-be, who is sharing his journey on #mothermag (📷: @peter_ds)
A post shared by Mother (@mothermag) on Sep 19, 2019 at 10:20am PDT
Spencer had to stop hormone treatment that offered "confidence and security of his identity" and proved "at times excruciatingly difficult," Mother added.
View this post on Instagram"To be honest, I didn't always want to be a parent. I'm pretty radical in my thinking and thought for a long time that children and marriage supported patriarchal systems. I now realize that the system was also designed to make me think that I wasn't worthy of raising children or being married. The system made me think of myself as unfit for either of those conventions. But the reality is, I can be radical in my thinking, want to dismantle the patriarchy, be married, and have a child. All those things can exist simultaneously and do exist in me. I also think my desire to be a parent evolved and grew deeper as my relationship with Spencer grew. Spence is the kindest, gentlest, and most nurturing man I've ever known, and our home reflects that energy. It's the home I've always wanted to be brought up in and now get to live in." -Kelly Dezart-Smith, whose husband, Spencer, is pregnant with their first child. (📷: @peter_ds)
A post shared by Mother (@mothermag) on Sep 19, 2019 at 11:08am PDT
The magazine also said that "while some of their struggles and experiences may seem radically different to some, their joys, fears, and hopes for their child and their future as a family are undeniably identical to those of any expectant parent."
View this post on InstagramOld art @girlwhereyouat #lovers
A post shared by boy_friend (@boy_friend) on Jan 27, 2018 at 7:14pm PST
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Sr. Editor, News
Dave Urbanski is a senior editor for Blaze News.
DaveVUrbanski
Dave Urbanski
Sr. Editor, News
Dave Urbanski is a senior editor for Blaze News and has been writing for Blaze News since 2013. He has also been a newspaper reporter, a magazine editor, and a book editor. He resides in New Jersey. You can reach him at durbanski@blazemedia.com.
@DaveVUrbanski →more stories
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