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Rock superstar details incredible faith journey and salvation despite addiction, suicidal daughter: 'I had become an animal'


'You go through trials, sometimes heavy ones'

Kevin Winter/Getty Images for SiriusXM

Brian "Head" Welch, guitarist for nu-metal band Korn, detailed his faith journey through addiction, depression, and a tumultuous relationship with his daughter in a new documentary, "Loud Krazy Love."

What are the details?

Welch, 48, left the Grammy award-winning band in 2005 after more than a decade at the top of the charts.

Though the band was at the pinnacle of its career, Welch was headed into a downward spiral of depression, drugs, and alcohol addiction. He found God, however, and his life changed entirely.

"I was on [drugs] for two years every single day. I felt like a walking gutter," he told TheBlaze in 2014. "I mean, 11 years in a rock band just partying every single day, every drug I did except heroin."

Welch, who hasn't been afraid of sharing his faith since 2005, filmed a documentary about his addictions and struggles, as well as how God saved his life and mended his relationship with his daughter, Jennea Welch.

"Loud Krazy Love," a tell-all about Welch's life, also featured interviews with his family and Korn bandmates.

Welch told Fox News in December that despite having every material thing a person could want, he was not satisfied.

“I think the root was the self-hatred that was going on due to unresolved issues growing up," Welch said. “I didn't have the best relationship with my dad. I was bullied in school, picked on. I remember the first time of just trying to connect with girls. It was just rejection after rejection.

"[I] always felt ugly," he admitted. "Every time I looked in the mirror, it was like, 'You're not good enough.' 'There's always someone more popular.' 'There's always someone more gifted in music.'"

Those feelings of inadequacy and sadness followed Welch throughout his life — even when he became a father in the 1980s.

"I feel like I was too sensitive to things. And they would get to me. And I would let them just tear me down," Welch explained. "And no matter how successful I got later on, I just felt like, if people really got to know me, got close to me, they wouldn't like me."

Welch explained that he believed the lie his entire life, and so he would self-medicate and engage in reckless behaviors to distract himself from his miseries.

"It wasn't until I found my faith that I learned to love myself," he admitted.

Even when he found God, he still struggled, but realized that it was his faith that would make him stronger through his trials.

"You go through trials, sometimes heavy ones. Sometimes it looks like God's abandoned you, but not for any reason. [It's] to make your faith grow and to see that no matter what happens, you come out OK," Welch explained. "It's all for your good. It's all for love and it's all for making you a strong person."

Welch went on to describe what it was like, dealing with the loss of his home and personal possessions.

"[I]t was just like the spiritual working out," he said. "I kept working hard to try to get things back on track and to see that I'm not going to need the band. The money is not who takes care of me anymore. God provides for me."

Welch rejoined the band in 2013 and remains sober and clean. He said has no intention whatsoever to return to his former lifestyle.

"I'm still a very practicing spiritual man. And I'm a Christian in the fact that I have a personal relationship with Christ," he said. "But there's a lot of Christians that don't understand me. ... That's not going to stop me though. To me, God is love and God loves everybody and takes you as you are."

What about his daughter?

As for Jennea, she was raised practically on the road, touring with her famous father.

Jennea told Fox News, "When I think about being on the road, it's a lot of bittersweet memories, honestly."

"We had so much fun," she admitted. "I was able to do whatever I wanted, eat whatever I wanted, and just hang out. ... There were promiscuous girls, parties and stuff. And I knew that was wrong. But honestly, it was just what it was."

In the documentary, Jennea recalled her childhood when she wasn't on the road with her father, and felt abandoned many times.

"It was difficult," Jennea said. "I think there were some sad things that as a kid I didn't quite get. Because he wasn't there, and my mom wasn't there. And I guess when I became older, it affected me a lot."

Jennea, who is now 20 years old, said that she later became depressed and began cutting herself, and even considered suicide at one point.

Her father intervened, however, and signed Jennea up to attend a Christian boarding school in Indiana, where she received intensive counseling.

"Boarding school helped me so much because I got to live just a normal life with some girls, some of my best friends," Jennea said. "When I was younger, obviously it was difficult because there were some things I was missing out on. [But] all that stuff has been restored."

“Loud Krazy Love" premiered on Showtime on Dec. 14.

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