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Commentary: If I were a Democrat

Op-ed

'I'd change the rules'

Photo by Michael M. Santiago/Getty Images

If I were a Democrat, I'd centralize power in Washington by nationalizing our elections. It wouldn't be enough to hold all three branches temporarily. I'd need to make it permanent.

So I'd change the rules.

If I were a Democrat, I'd flood the voter pool. I'd require all states to allow same-day voter registration. I'd mandate states automatically register felons, illegal aliens, and 16-year-olds to vote, and I'd require prisons, welfare offices, and ICE to provide their voter registration information.

I'd also use taxpayer dollars to establish aggressive voter recruitment programs at leftist training camps — otherwise known as colleges and universities.

If I were a Democrat, I'd begin a chronicle of lies that all voter verification laws are racist and with that distraction, I'd enable illegal voting.

Banning all voter ID laws would be another important step.

If any local official dared question the eligibility of one of my illegal voters, I would throw them in jail. I would threaten force until no one dared resist.

I'd block efforts to verify signatures and citizenship in the name of counting every vote — not just every legal one. I'd make it more difficult for poll watchers to ensure accountability: citizen oversight is a pest.

I'd make the fraud-ridden mail-in voting of the 2020 pandemic election permanent. To ensure my win on Election Day (or Election Month under our new scheme), I would allow aggressive ballot harvesting to begin 45 days before the election, and I'd count votes received 10 days late in case we need to drum up some missing ballots.

If I were a Democrat, I'd siphon the power of states to the federal government. I'd ignore the Constitution and prevent states from determining their own voting practices. If conservative states did not readily relinquish their authority, I would reduce their representation in Congress and give their electoral votes to my friends in California or New York.

For good measure, I'd strip all state legislatures of their ability to decide how Congressional districts are drawn, and I'd also prohibit states from enforcing their election law.

Next, I'd give D.C. statehood. Now I have the Senate.

If I were a Democrat, I'd marginalize the courts and limit access to challenges. I'd insist that all election lawsuits be processed only by my friends on the District Court in Washington, D.C.

If I were a Democrat, I'd talk about taking money out of politics, but would tax businesses to provide kickbacks and multiply my own campaign war chest by 600%.

If I were a Democrat, I'd be a career politician, so I'd enrich the Swamp while further bankrupting America.

To sweep away any ethics challenges, I'd change the bipartisan Federal Election Commission into a partisan board with a new czar governed by the ruling party — mine.

Now I know these changes are ambitious, and there could be backlash. So I'd silence dissent and cancel free speech. After I controlled the government, I'd want to control the people, so I'd cancel unauthorized thoughts. I'd empower bureaucrats to prosecute individual Americans for posting anything "fact-checkers" deem "misinformation."

I'd dox and censor anyone who donated to my opponents by having the government publish their personal information. Then I'd weaponize the IRS to strip conservative churches and nonprofits of their tax-exempt status.

If I were a Democrat, I'd use the weight of the federal government to crush anyone who opposed me.

In other words, if I were a Democrat, I'd pass the "For the Swamp Act," H.R. 1.

But I'm a conservative, and I will never stop fighting for the rights of states, limited government, and election integrity.

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