Ole’ John Kerry Gives Away the Farm, E-I-E-I-O

Once upon a time there lived a haughty politician with a great head of hair and beautifully tailored suits. Despite a lack-luster academic record, he became fluent in several languages, including long-winded-and-lofty English. Ole John Kerry’s incomprehensible campaign speeches (and progressive drivel), attracted sufficient admiration in his uber-liberal state to ensure election to the United States Senate. There he pontificated (blathered on for hours and hours) as he delivered nonsense-icle speeches about nothing of importance whatsoever.

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More than anything, Ole’ John Kerry wanted to be President of the United States. Unfortunately, he was hampered by his un-spectacular voting record in the Senate that revealed a flip-flopping mind when it came to issues like war, peace, Israel, Iraq, Kuwait, military funding, gun control, affirmative action, yacht taxes, free trade, education, and red or white wine with veal.

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Courtesy of Author. 

Haunted by his turncoat behavior after the Vietnam war, “Genghis” John Kerry was unable to win the presidency. However, an opportunity for elevated public office eventually came his way when America’s Princess Pantsuit resigned her post. (She and Bill wanted to prepare their run for the co-presidency of the United States.) Ole’ John Kerry became Secretary of State, thereby giving him multiple opportunities, on a global level, to spew forth copious amounts of progressive rhetoric. 

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(Little known factoid: Mug shots of Ambassador Kerry were posted in government offices around the world, warning bureaucrats not to engage in mindless conversations with him that could result in becoming bored to death.)

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Speaking of mindless...Ole’ John Kerry announced that America would launch an incredibly insignificant missile attack up and over his president’s “red line” and into the Syrian desert. The purpose? To chastise President Bashar al-Assad and warn him not to use chemical weapons ever again. Or else!

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“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! No! No! No!” shouted Congress.

Then, Ole’ John Kerry’s boss, the Pacifier-in-Chief, issued a “stand-down” order (like he had done during the Benghazi embassy attack). To save his long sad face, Ole’ John Kerry suggested that Russia take charge of the search-and-destroy mission for Syria’s chemical weapons. Shazam! Ole’ John Kerry diminished America’s standing in the world as he elevated Putin (the president of Russia) to become the even-more-powerful Numero Uno player in the Mid-East.

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[sharequote align="center"]Can this story possibly end with happily ever after? Perhaps when Hel...sinki freezes over.[/sharequote]

With that major mistake etched in stone on his diplomatic resume, Ole’ John Kerry was allowed to participate in negotiations with Iran, Syria’s “de facto” government and the Numero Uno Terrorist State on the planet. Ole’ John strutted about at press conferences that few people watched, and guaranteed progress that even fewer believed.

(Oh my goodness, nobody realized that Ole’ John Kerry wasn’t in charge. Calling the shots was Wendy Sherman, the State Department bureaucrat who previously had enabled North Korea to join the nuclear club. Under her leadership, Kim Jong Crazy Troll received copious amounts of food and money from America while continuing to enrich uranium and construct long-range-missile launch pads.)

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At the moment when sanctions against Iran were becoming effective, Ole’ John Kerry and his co-conspirators began to remove sanctions for humanitarian reasons. His long sad face grew longer and sadder when he described how the good and innocent people of Iran were being harmed by shortages of medical equipment and car parts.

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Hello. Hello. Hello. What about the millions of good and innocent people in Israel who would be murdered/slaughtered/disintegrated (pick the verb of your choice) during missile attacks launched by a nuclear empowered Iran?

This photo released on Saturday, Nov. 9, 2013 by the Iranian Defense Ministry claims to show an air defense system with Sayyad-2 missiles prepared to be launched in an undisclosed location in Iran. Iranian Defense Minister Gen. Hossein Dehghan has inaugurated a missile production plant aimed at improving the country's air defense capabilities. (AP Photo/Iranian Defense Ministry) EDS NOTE: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS HAS NO WAY OF INDEPENDENTLY VERIFYING THE CONTENT, LOCATION OR DATE OF THIS IMAGE. 

BTW: what was the logic behind removing sanctions that were working and forcing Iran to back off from its nuclear ambitions in order to avoid a revolt by its citizens?

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Ole’ John Kerry snatched defeat from the jaws of victory and announced an historic agreement that might...maybe...possibly...delay (for six whole months) Iran’s production of a nuclear weapon. Wow! How did Ole’ John Kerry accomplish this incredibly insignificant concession that could create NorthKorea.2? He gave away the farm.

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Under the terms of the agreement, Iran received everything on their “wish” list including:

Sanction reduction. 

America’s blessing to continue producing low-grade uranium (that could be upgraded to weapons grade at the snap of a finger).

Eight billion dollars of their frozen assets.

A kissy-kissy humanitarian gift of $7 BILLION American taxpayer dollars to offset the cost of sanction-related inconveniences.

Limited, supervised inspection of some nuclear facilities (but not all).

America received zip, zero, nada, nothing from their “demand” list except:

An unverifiable, double-pinky promise that Iran would not move forward with their nuclear bomb production for six months.

A partridge in a pear tree.

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Then, Ole’ John Kerry asked, “Who will stand with America to ratify this fantasti-cal agreement of historic proportions?”

“Not I,” said the Israelis. “This agreement is a mistake of historic proportions. Ratify this farce? E-I-E-I-NO-NO-NO.”

“Not I,” said the Saudis as they invited Israel to become their new dance partner, ordered a nuclear bomb from Pakistan, and demanded a refund of college tuition dollars they had given to fund Barack Hussein Obama’s college education when he had applied for financial aid as a foreign student. Ratify this farce? E-I-E-I-NO-NO-NO.”

“Not I! Mon dieu!” declared the leader of France. “We stand with Saudi Arabia and Israel. Ratify this farce? E-I-E-I-NO-NO-NO.”

“Not we” said the American people. We stand with Israel, Saudi Arabia, and France, and urge Israel to keep their Iron Dome missile defense system on high alert 24/7. Ratify this farce? E-I-E-I-NO-NO-NO.”

Illustration Courtesy of Author. 

“We stand with Comrade Kerry,” declared Putin of Russia, “and support humanitarian relief for the peoples of Iran and accept expanded influence in the Mid-East. We are happy, happy, campers.  E-I-E-I-O."

Can this story possibly end with happily ever after? Perhaps when Hel...sinki freezes over? Will We-the-People allow Ole’ John Kerry give away our farm?

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