For Halloween, Netflix and Ava DuVernay dressed up former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick as a righteous black man.
The streaming service and celebrated movie producer borrowed T'Challa's Black Panther costume, Huey P. Newton's afro, and the ramblings of "In Living Color" prison revolutionary Oswald Bates to portray Kaepernick as the modern-day Muhammad Ali.
Despite their best efforts and three hours of edited content, Kaepernick still came across as far more Clayton Bigsby than black revolutionary in the six-part miniseries "Colin in Black and White." You remember Bigsby? He was a Dave Chappelle character, the blind black man who joined the Ku Klux Klan.
Only a member of the KKK could fully enjoy DuVernay and Kaepernick's portrayal of black manhood. According to the miniseries, being a black man is about wearing braids/cornrows, eating highly seasoned fried foods, feeling degraded, dehumanized, and offended at so-called micro-aggressions, and fantasizing about loving black women while dating white and/or biracial women.
"Black and White" erased any doubts about the fraudulence and substance-deficiency of Colin Kaepernick, the biracial football player-turned-actorvist. Kap, DuVernay, and Netflix share the same view of black men as the KKK.
Let me unpack this for a moment.
According to "Black and White," black men have been feminized to the point that we obsess about our hairstyles. Episode one of the miniseries is titled "Cornrows." In it, DuVernay and Kaepernick venerate former NBA star Allen Iverson and his hairstyle. Kap states that Iverson "embraced his culture. He braided his hair."
The episode focuses on Kaepernick's white adoptive parents' mixed feelings about cornrows. His mother goes from paying for his hair to be braided and purchasing the multitude of maintenance accessories to complaining that the hairstyle made her son look like a "thug." Kap's father justifiably wonders why any man would waste time, energy, and thought on a hairstyle when that time, energy, and thought could be used on much higher priorities.
Many black parents have the exact same thoughts and concerns, and they express those concerns in the exact same fashion. The Kaepernicks were not being racist. They were being pragmatic.
Today cornrows, braids, buns, dreadlocks, and exotic hair colors don't convey a thug image as much as they convey daddy issues. They're byproducts of young boys who spent more time waiting on their mamas at a beauty salon than sitting with their daddies inside a barbershop.
The Kaepernick miniseries should be retitled "Daddy Issues." It was an exploration of the problems caused by the absence of Kaepernick's black biological father.
Colin Kaepernick dropped to his knees because he really wants to swing from a stripper pole.
That's the real takeaway from "Black and White." It's a story about a man struggling with his identity who chose a woman to tell his story. It's what "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" would read like if Alexandria Haley wrote it.
There were twice as many black gay or lesbian couples depicted in the series as black nuclear couples. No black father or husband was written into the script. A group of black boys showed up at a hotel for a baseball tournament. There wasn't a daddy in sight.
Maybe those scenes were left on the cutting room floor to make room for the fried chicken and pork chops DuVernay depicted. Every time Kaepernick showed up at a black house, the place was swimming in Lawry's seasoned salt, Crisco, and collard greens. The series insinuated that Kaepernick instantly felt more comfortable in surroundings that produce high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. It's a natural instinct, not a remnant of slavery, for black men to prefer food that kills.
It's an odd message for an athlete who is vegan and obsesses over his abs and biceps.
Kaepernick, to this day, doesn't know who he is. He has severe daddy issues.
When you know who you are, you don't concern yourself with micro-aggressions. The random, misguided perceptions of white people don't make you feel degraded, dehumanized, and offended. They make you feel confident you're dealing with someone not on your level. Kaepernick is weak. That's why any random white person can make him feel insecure.
Beyond weak, he's delusional. In the fifth episode of the series, Kaepernick casts himself as Malcolm X in pursuit of his Betty Shabazz. He takes a super dark-skinned black girl to the homecoming dance. He portrays his parents as having a problem with his decision. I do not know the Kaepernicks. I've lived 54 years and I've seen a lot. I've never met a white person who has a problem with a black or biracial man or boy dating a black woman. Never seen it. Never heard of it. No way they objected because of her race.
What I found hysterical is Kaepernick portraying himself as a lover of dark chocolate. His longtime girlfriend/handler, Nessa, is Egyptian. She's not black. Her specialty isn't fried chicken and collard greens. She's Kardashian. Before Nessa, Kap was linked to Bundle of Brittany, or Brittany Renner. The half-frican American Instagram Barbie doll who has been auctioning herself off to athletes for the last decade.
Kap has a type. And it looks nothing like the black girl in his miniseries. Kap prefers Becky Shabazz over Betty Shabazz.
Kap is a fraud, and not a very smart one. The depictions of racism in "Black and White" were comically unsophisticated and unbelievable. Kaepernick's dad allegedly sped down the highway day after day and waved at a cop who clocked him speeding. The day Kaepernick drove his parents' car, the cop instantly pulled him over and nearly drew his weapon when Kaepernick reached for his driver's license.
The worst thing about the series is knowing Kaepernick signed off on the demonization and ridicule of his adoptive parents. Two human beings chose to love and raise Kaepernick when his biological parents failed to take the responsibility. Throughout the six episodes, Kaepernick's parents are portrayed as bumbling, passive-aggressive racists with good intentions.
Kaepernick opened the final episode of the series stating that his parents really wanted to adopt a white baby.
"Since the day I was born I was never anybody's first choice," he said.Kaepernick is still dealing with major daddy issues. Someone buy the man a stripper pole, a thong, and high heels. He's more Cardi B than Huey P.