© 2023 Blaze Media LLC. All rights reserved.

New birther claims coming?

I feel compelled to get this on the record now, because in 35 years when my newborn son (Samuel James) is elected President of the United States, I don’t want any unnecessary controversies. The reason I feel compelled? Prepare to be shocked - the government screwed up the birth certificate! Can you believe it? I have two other kids and the government never made a mistake like that before. Well, except for the ‘3’ in my other son’s Social ‘Security’ number – which for the first 3 months of his life we thought was an ‘8’ because they botched the printing. And believe me, it was really easy to get that one fixed. There wasn't 9,000 forms to fill out or anything.

But this time, the mistake should be a breeze to fix. They only screwed up MY name on the certificate. That's odd because I'm certain I didn’t write ‘David’ when filling out 'father's name' on the info sheet -writing my first name incorrectly has not been (up until now at least) a past issue of mine.

Hopefully this will stop future birthers from birthing a fictitious birthing tale about how my son (President Samuel James Andros) wasn't really born in America and is just a spy from the Andros Islands (google it) who is trying to fundamentally transform America into some sort of evil, laid back tropical island paradise. Or something.

And hopefully this isn't as big of a bureaucratic nightmare to fix as was the last mistake. But I'm not holding my breath. .

Want to leave a tip?

We answer to you. Help keep our content free of advertisers and big tech censorship by leaving a tip today.
Want to join the conversation?
Already a subscriber?