Halloween hangover: How to most effectively trade your candy

Trick-or-treating may be over, but the contest for the best candy is far from over.  Courtesy of Buzzfeed, here's a handy guide to trading your candy and maximizing your post-Halloween sugar high:

"Avoid anyone who suggests dumping all the candy into a pile and rationing it out based on hunger.  They are Marxists."

Exit question: Where was this kind of priceless information when I was a kid??