From the folks who brought you "brosurance" comes "The Game of Obamacare" -- where your life's happiness depends on the government. Yay!
"In the pursuit of happiness you'll face many questions and challenges," the game states. "Answer the choices wisely to keep your happiness meter in tip top shape, like life there may be a few suprises (sic) on the way."
I start out as a bright, young female 18-year-old high school grad who has to make the pivotal choice between going to college and entering the workforce. Unfortunately, whichever direction I choose the economy is in shambles and I can't find work--a subtle nod to President Obama's impressive economic record.
Another spin of the wheel and another big choice to make: I can choose life "with Obamacare" and be applauded for continuing to mooch off my parents' health insurance for the next eight years, or I can choose life "without Obamacare," a move met with audible booing. Move into my parents' basement increases my life's happiness rating for some reason.
Another spin -- my family has a history of cancer. Should I proceed forward in life with or without Obamacare? Without Obamacare, my preventative screenings "aren't cheap," but the game fails to mention the technological advancements of private sector medicine. With Obamacare, I get preventative care with no co-pays. "Excellent!" the game says. "That means you can go get screened for free." Happiness increases. Hooray for cancer!
Ok, life is great, but someone has to pay for all this "free" health care I'm enjoying. It's time to have a baby and begin the transfer of untold national debt onto the next generation. (Whoever said you can't buy happiness clearly never played The Game of Obamacare.) But did you know that having a baby means having less money?! "It's gonna cost a lot to keep your baby healthy," the game tells 32-year-old me. Without the government's intervention, I "move forward a little poorer than before." Woe is me and my healthy, indentured newborn.
Oh well. Spin that wheel!
The hits just keep coming. I'm now 45 and diagnosed with diabetes. With Obamacare, I got "free" screenings for things like this so my diabetes is manageable. However, I live life dangerously and without government intervention and opt to move forward without Obamacare. Big mistake: Because I have to invest in my own health, I didn't pursue preventative care and my diabetes is now going to be harder to manage. My happiness plunges another point. "Hey, at least your friends are praying for you!" the game says with a strong hint of sarcasm that I don't much appreciate.
Fear not, hope is not lost. I've just been "retweeted by Lady Gaga." My happiness is apparently soaring now.
Finally I reach age 65 and the Promised Land of retirement. This is where the game ends, ostensibly because I've lived long enough to reach the bonus death panels level and my future is no longer based on my choices. Instead, a panel of bureaucrats decide whether my life is worth saving for the greater good of society. Thanks, Obamacare!
Unfortunately, not everyone fares as well. When Ricochet's Jon Gabriel, his life was tragically cut short:
My years from thirty-something 'til retirement are unmentioned, probably because I rarely interfaced with our Great Father in Washington. But bad knee and all I somehow survive until a quizzically early retirement (thanks, SEIU!). Then my life abruptly ends at 62.
Mercifully, it's a happy death because I have continually made government-approved choices from birth through death. I never had to think or provide for myself, but instead relied on benevolent bureaucrats and the occasional guest appearance on "Pawn Stars."
Try your hand at "The Game of Obamacare" and let us know how you turn out.