Hillary Rodham Clinton will run for president again in 2020, and she has reinvented herself in order to do it.
At least, that is what is online Sunday afternoon at the Wall Street Journal. The headline reads "Hillary Will Run Again", the subhead reads "Reinventing herself as a liberal firebrand, Mrs. Clinton will easily capture the 2020 nomination," the authors are Mark Penn and Andrew Stein, and it runs in print on Monday.
"Get ready for Hillary Clinton 4.0. More than 30 years in the making, this new version of Mrs. Clinton, when she runs for president in 2020, will come full circle—back to the universal-health-care-promoting progressive firebrand of 1994," it begins. "True to her name, Mrs. Clinton will fight this out until the last dog dies. She won’t let a little thing like two stunning defeats stand in the way of her claim to the White House."
Warning their excited target audience -- who are already dancing in the virtual streets on social media -- not to "pay much attention to the 'I won’t run' declarations," they argue that the generation of Democrats who have been salivating over a power vacuum after the reign of the Clintons have proved too incompetent to take the reins.
Hard to argue that point.
With specific, recognizable jabs, they say that the replacements "revealed themselves to be bungling amateurs in the Brett Kavanaugh nomination fight, with their laughable Spartacus moments."
"She will trounce them," reads the op-ed, painting Hillary as, get this, the Trump of her party. "Just as Mr. Trump cleared the field, Mrs. Clinton will take down rising Democratic stars like bowling pins."
The piece runs through a brief history of slime, covering Hillary classics from "It Takes a Village" through the Hope and Change desert (with a brief layover in "she won more delegates than him" land), and on into the Bernie Sanders doldrums. (You know, doldrums in the oceanic sense, not the hum-drummery sense.) Eventually it moves into newer songs like losing the midwest. Then finally to the crescendo.
Claims of a Russian conspiracy and the unfairness of the Electoral College shielded Mrs. Clinton from ever truly conceding she had lost. She was robbed, she told herself, yet again. But after two years of brooding—including at book length—Mrs. Clinton has come unbound. She will not allow this humiliating loss at the hands of an amateur to end the story of her career. You can expect her to run for president once again.
Stay for the denouement, though, it's equally morbidly engaging.
If you enjoy raw and delightful political dreadfulness, and who doesn't, then this is a must-read article and will definitely grab some news cycle this week. Because, as Penn and and Stein write, "one way or another, Hillary 4.0 is on the way."
In a season of giving thanks, this op-ed gives so much for which we can be grateful.