The British are leaving! Harry and Meghan retreat after churning out box-office poison

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle evidently weren't cut out for the land of the free. After braving a few years of luxury in Los Angeles, they're now planning to pull up stakes and retreat to Britain.

Royal flush

After British taxpayers were squeezed for roughly $3 million to refurbish the couple's 18th-century home on the grounds of Windsor Castle estate, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex announced in January 2020 their decision to "carve out a progressive new role within this institution" and "step back as 'senior' members of the Royal Family."

'I can't see a world in which I would be bringing my wife and children back.'

They dawdled around Canada for a time, then moved to the United States in 2020 to purportedly pursue a "more peaceful," private life free of royal duties.

In February 2021, Buckingham Palace announced that Queen Elizabeth had informed the duke and duchess that:

in stepping away from the work of the Royal Family it is not possible to continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service. The honorary military appointments and Royal patronages held by the Duke and Duchess will therefore be returned to Her Majesty, before being redistributed among working members of the Royal Family.

Liberated from the responsibilities and honors bequeathed to the prince by his forefathers, the duo has spent recent years chasing the limelight.

The DEI duchess — who upon settling in California suggested on multiple occasions that Britain is racist and that she and Prince Harry left because of supposed bigotry in the House of Windsor — has not, however, enjoyed the kind of media success for which she apparently pined.

RELATED: INGRATE BRITAIN: 'Good Place' star Jameela Jamil calls fellow Brits 'evil,' likens them to Marvel villain

Asanka Ratnayake/Getty Images

Netflix announced in July 2021 that Markle's animated feminist series "Pearl" was going into production. The project was flushed the following summer.

'F**king grifters.'

While the couple's 2024 Netflix docuseries "Polo" — dubbed an "unintentional comedy" by the Guardian — actually made it to air, it was a total flop.

Earlier this year, Netflix divested from Markle's lifestyle brand As Ever and decided not to renew her cooking show "With Love, Meghan."

The couple had a lucrative deal with Spotify valued at roughly $20 million, but that collapsed in 2023 after the duke and duchess failed to produce more than one series and a holiday special. At the time, a Spotify executive branded them "f**king grifters."

The couple's latest flop, a documentary called "Cookie Queens" that they executive-produced, had made less than $600,000 as of Aug. 18, according to reported box-office figures.

Retreat

The couple has decided to move back to Britain sometime this month, according to an exclusive report from the Telegraph.

King Charles was reportedly informed of the couple's decision on Sunday.

Their children, 7-year-old Prince Archie and 5-year-old Princess Lilibet, have been enrolled to start school in the U.K., a part of the world that Prince Harry once complained "has been created by white people for white people."

The Telegraph noted that the couple plans to keep their homes in Montecito, California, and Portugal, and that Markle will run her lifestyle brand from the United Kingdom.

When asked about what motivated the return, a source close to the couple told CNN only that they enjoyed their family visit to Britain in July.

On the question of security for the duke and duchess, a Home Office spokesman told the Guardian, "The U.K. government’s protective security system is rigorous and proportionate," adding that "it is our longstanding policy not to provide detailed information on those arrangements, as doing so could compromise their integrity and affect individuals’ security."

British Prime Minister Andy Burnham said, "We wish them well in the move that they're making."

The royals' decision to return comes one year after Prince Harry stated that despite missing his homeland, "I can't see a world in which I would be bringing my wife and children back to the U.K. at this point."

Blaze News did not immediately receive comment from Buckingham Palace or the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

Like Blaze News? Bypass the censors, sign up for our newsletters, and get stories like this direct to your inbox. Sign up here!