The kickoff is one of the most violent plays in football, so much so that some of the sport's modern day wise men believe it should be removed from the game altogether because of the number of injuries it induces in the most Gladiator-like of men.
Speed, strength, courage, willpower, and chaos are all maxed out on the table. It is an all-in, high-stakes pursuit demanding every bit of oneself just in order to survive, let alone thrive.
That's football for ya. And it's one of the main reasons we love it. Masculine meritocracy unfiltered. Go big or go home.
The squib kick, on the other hand, is the opposite of that. In fact, it really isn't football at all. It's one of the rare moments in the game where the rules are kind of suspended and a truce of sorts is called. Almost nothing is risked. There is nearly zero chance of either team really gaining anything resembling glory.
The violence inherent to the real thing is forfeited for a very temporary safety. We all get what is going on in terms of strategy, but it is a cheat against the purity of the sport, and we know it.
Which brings us to Sarah Fuller, the Vanderbilt women's soccer player who last weekend made fake history by suiting up for the university's football team when COVID kept the team's usual kickers from answering the call of duty.
Never mind the fact that she apparently went full Greta Thunberg and tried to give the team a pep talk at halftime on their way to a 41-0 drubbing — even though she never saw a second of play by that point. Never mind the fact Vanderbilt's coach was fired after the game for adding insult to his winless record via a desperate act of woke theatrics.
Focus on the absurdity that Fuller was named Southeastern Conference special teams "'player of the week" for stepping on the field just one time, to begin the second half of play, and purposefully doing the least football thing possible.
She squibbed it.
In other words, at no point was she at any risk of any actual football breaking out while she was on the field. No need to tackle. No chance of being decleated on a block. But, of course, all of this nonsense was sung to the headline of “Perfectly executed kick sailed 30 yards."
It's such an obvious lie to spin an obvious gimmick: Sarah Fuller didn't really play football and absolutely zero barriers were broken for women because of her. Which is why you will never see other headlines like “Woman plays nose tackle with gusto" or “Woman runs suicidal slant route across the middle" or “Woman suffers concussion after being sacked five times."
All of this, every last bit of it, is a squib. A time-out from actual football used to virtue signal at the price of utter detachment from reality. But does anyone honestly feel their daughters' lives are now somehow filled with greater possibility and renewed optimism because of any of this? Does anyone feel women planted their flag in ground that they have actual potential and plans to conquer for their own?
Fuller may very well be an adequate to excellent placekicker, and get a chance in a future game to prove it to us by launching the ball through the uprights for points on the scoreboard. Should that occur, that will be something to commemorate with our daughters like the two I'm blessed to have and adore. But this silly squib kick gimmick is not that day. It's a farce, which is why you're called sexist by Leftists who loathe the masculine meritocracy of football for saying so.
Oh, by the way, what's a woman?