Cocaine dogs and TikTok therapy: Rand Paul roasts elites in annual Festivus Report

Republican Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky is ringing in the New Year with his annual Festivus Report, highlighting all the government's pet projects taxpayers have been funding.

Paul's 11th annual waste report totaled up a whopping $1.6 trillion, including $1.22 trillion in interest payments on the $38.5 trillion national debt.

'I hope you’re horrified.'

"No matter how much taxpayer money Washington burns through, politicians can’t help but demand more," Paul said in a statement.

"Fiscal responsibility may not be the most crowded road, but it’s one I’ve walked year after year — and this holiday season will be no different. So before we get to the Feats of Strength, it’s time for my Airing of (Spending) Grievances."

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The report features a roundup of the government's most egregious spending, including experiments dosing dogs with cocaine and teaching ferrets how to binge-drink. One program taught monkeys how to play a video game inspired by "The Price Is Right" for a whopping $14.6 million.

Some spending was directed toward actual people, not just pets. One program from the Department of Health and Human Services spent $1.5 million on an "innovative multilevel strategy" to reduce drug use in "Latinx" communities by using influencers and celebrities in TikTok campaigns, which the report dubbed "TikTok therapy." Other programs spent $2 million on "gender-affirming care" in Guatemala through USAID, as well as $2.8 million in DOD grants for implanting humanized mice with aborted fetal tissue.

Other funds were just misused entirely, with nearly $200 billion in COVID funds for schools being wasted on excessive amenities like ice cream trucks, rooms at Caesar's Palace, and renting out MLB stadiums.

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"That’s all for today, folks," Paul said in a post on X. "I hope you’re horrified — I mean, I hope you enjoyed it. The Festivus holiday must come to an end. If only the programs we write about would also come to an end."

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