In his new memoir, musician Moby claims to have brushed his bare genitals on President Donald Trump's jacket during a 2001 party.
Mmm, nope. (Tell me more.)
Moby — real name Richard Melville Hall — said that the incident occurred in a post-9/11 world at a New York City party that the two had both been in attendance. The party reportedly took place just a month after the terrorist attacks, which killed nearly 3,000 people.
Blaming his fugue on the attacks, the musician said that two friends named "Lee" and "Clariece" encouraged him to do it, so he did.
In his new memoir, "Then It Fell Apart" — as excerpted by The Daily Beast — the musician wrote:
I was dared to brush my drunken, flaccid penis up against Donald Trump's suit jacket. Although, in the spirit of alcoholic disclosure, my caveat is this: as I was very drunk and high at the time I'm still not 100% sure it actually happened. But even though this happened almost 20 years ago, I'm still perpetually stunned by the fact that Americans elected as president a dimwitted con man whose only claim to fame is that he once hosted a mediocre reality-TV show.
He went on to point out that he did accept the dare — of course — and went on to brush himself past the future president.
"Moby, go knob-touch Donald Trump," Lee said.
"Really?" I asked. "Should I?"
Donald Trump was a mid-level real-estate developer and tabloid-newspaper staple whose career had recently been resuscitated by a reality-TV show.
"Yeah," Dale said.
"Yeah," Clarice said, mischievously.
"S***," I said, realizing I now had to knob-touch Donald Trump.
I drank a shot of vodka to brace myself, pulled my flaccid penis out of my pants, and casually walked past Trump, trying to brush the edge of his jacket with my penis. Luckily he didn't seem to notice or even twitch.
I walked back to my friends and ordered another drink. "Did you do it?" Clarice asked.
"I think so. I think I knob-touched Donald Trump."
You can read a full excerpt of the musician's experience here, should you want to know more.