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The 8 Katy Perry Songs That Could Become Anthems in 2016

Katy’s people are definitely, 100 percent, fully not okay with this.

WASHINGTON, DC - JANUARY 19: The musician Katy Perry sings during the children's concert at the Washington Convention Center to celebrate military families on January 19, 2013 in Washington, DC. The U.S. capital is preparing for the second inauguration of U.S. President Barack Obama, which will take place on January 21. Credit: Getty Images

Hillary Clinton’s “Ready for Hillary” super PAC has recently debuted a new video, featuring glossy images of Hillary from history, accompanied by Katy Perry’s gurl-power song, “Roar,” which promises to make itself the most over-played and annoying song of the campaign season.

This got me thinking - because I can only invest in Ukrainian politics, Obamacare delays and missing airliners so long before my brain craves banal diversions like a “Real Housewives” marathon - about other Katy Perry songs that could become anthems for 2016 contenders.

It seems BuzzFeed would have been all over this by now, but their hands are presumably full with their new “Definitive Ranking of the 20 Most Important Pies.” That’s real. And important. So since they’re too busy with pastry, I gave it a go. Katy’s people are definitely, 100 percent, fully not okay with this:

Dark Horse” – If you want to play with magic – and who doesn’t? – the mystical stylings of Rick Santorum are sure to keep you entranced. Don’t call him an underdog – he wants to make poverty (and gay marriage) disappear!

AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Teenage Dream” – Who’s the hunkiest dream boat in the 2016 field? Why, Rick Perry of course. The rugged facial features, the cowboy boots, the robustly manscaped head of hair, the campaign-trail amnesia – it’s all working for us. Right ladies?

AFP PHOTO/Nicholas KAMM  AFP PHOTO/Nicholas KAMM

E.T.” – No one, save for Dennis Kucinich, perhaps, knows extraterrestrials like Newt Gingrich. He is space’s No. 1 fan. There’s the lunar colony, flights to Mars – Discovery.com called him “Newt Skywalker.” Plus, I’m sure he and Kanye would totally get along.

(Photo by Pete Marovich/Getty Images) (Photo by Pete Marovich/Getty Images)

Waking Up in Vegas” – No indications that he will run, but if anyone comes to mind when you hear “Shake the glitter off your clothes,” it’s Nevada’s own Harry Reid. Am I right?

 <p(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

The One That Got Away” – There was a time Chris Christie was the 2016 fantasy date, and made all the girls swoon. And it wasn’t because he slimmed down; they adored his sexy fiscal responsibility. But amidst allegations that he cheated on them with a certain bridge-and-tunnel girl, the bloom may be off the Jersey rose. I’ve still got my matching tattoo, though.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie gestures during a news conference Thursday, Jan. 9, 2014, at the Statehouse in Trenton, N.J. Christie has fired a top aide who engineered political payback against a town mayor, saying she lied. Deputy Chief of Staff Bridget Anne Kelly is the latest casualty in a widening scandal that threatens to upend Christie's second term and likely run for president in 2016. Documents show she arranged traffic jams to punish the mayor, who didn't endorse Christie for re-election. (AP Photo/Mel Evans) (AP Photo/Mel Evans)

I Kissed a Girl” – Whether it was his mom, his wife, or that biker lady in Ohio, you can be assured Joe Biden’s kissed plenty of girls…and he definitely liked it. How do I know? He loves women! Remember when he asked a bunch of factory workers in Japan if their husbands liked them working full-time? Or when he told women to go buy shotguns and shoot them blindly into their backyards? Or when he said Hillary Clinton was more qualified than he was to be Vice President? Indeed, men need not apply in Biden’s White House.

INDIANOLA, IOWA - SEPTEMBER 15: U.S. Vice President Joe Biden speaks at the 36th Annual Harkin Steak Fry on September 15, 2013 in Indianola, Iowa. Sen. Harkin's Democratic fundraiser is one of the largest in Iowa each year. Credit: Getty Images Credit: Getty Images

Firework” – Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Me neither. But no one can light up a room – or break glass – like Howard “Agh!” Dean. The former governor is actually the only explosive the Green Mountain State allows – fireworks are illegal there. But he’s brighter than the moon, moon, moon.

Credit: Alternet.org Credit: Alternet.org

Hot n’ Cold” – He got close a couple times, but the White House just wasn’t in the cards for Mitt Romney. If he wants to give it a third go-round, he should just embrace his reputation as a guy who changes his mind “like a girl changes clothes.” All the tweens would love him.

 (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin) (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Feature Photo Credit:Getty Image

TheBlaze contributor channel supports an open discourse on a range of views. The opinions expressed in this channel are solely those of each individual author.

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