In case you haven't gotten enough of the "Are-our-children-safe? Let's-ban-guns!" conversation going on around-the-clock on cable news these days, don't assume you can escape the country's decent into a perpetual police state with a bit of holiday gift-giving. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... the worst children's Christmas gifts I've ever seen:
Traveling for the holidays? Use Playmobil's handy "Security Check Point" toy to educate your children on TSA security measures and how best to protect their "junk" from invasive pat-downs. Bomb-sniffing dogs not included:
I personally enjoyed these reviews of the toy on Amazon.com:
This is a "must-have" for any aspiring TSA agent out there.
At first it looked as though my Playmobil terrorist cell was going have trouble getting through this security system - no naked flames, sharp objects, guns or bombs. Then I bought the Tobacco Lobbyist upgrade pack which allowed cigarette lighters to be carried through so they simply torched the plane instead. Hours of fun for all the family.
Thank you Playmobil for allowing me to teach my 5-year old the importance of recognizing what a failing bureaucracy in a ever growing fascist state looks like.
Also available: the Playmobil Police Checkpoint:
And if all of the media coverage of mass shootings has you worried about sending your children out in the world, outfit them with their very own child-sized bulletproof vests! The most curious part about this gift is the "100% satisfaction money back guarantee." Yeah...
And if your child is comfortable wearing tactical body armor on the playground, there's also "ballistic backpacks" that "can be quickly brought to the front as a shield or can serve as center of mass protection while fleeing the scene of the shooting."
I hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas today -- and that you did receive any of these dreadful gifts.