President Biden's first 100 days haven't so much slouched toward Gomorrah as they have taunted the speed of light itself, with an orgy-riddled "hold my beer" sense of debauched destiny.
Thus, the first question any serious citizen of this country must ask is whether four years of this cancer will leave anything behind worth holding an election to govern over, or if such an election has any chance of even be held with any sense of legitimacy.
When you look at Republican Gov. Mike DeWine over in Ohio holding million-dollar lotteries eligible only for those in his state who have been vaccinated — because nothing says "follow the science" like rank bribery — then you might be inclined to say "bring on the smoldering piles of ash. We deserve it."
I mean, could DeWine signal any louder that he views his main constituency to be Dave Chappelle's crackhead character? And Dear God, who knows, what if he's right? Meaning, what if DeWine isn't a fool, but a sage who understands he's the captain of a ship of fools?
After all, most of the people of Ohio have allowed themselves to be tyrannically ruled by such a testicular travesty leading up to this point. I get lots of angry emails and social media engagements from angry Ohioans, but I don't see any George Floyd funerals…err…peaceful protests in the streets.
This is the consent of the governed in action. Wear the mask. Sure. Shut down the schools. You bet. Pay alms to Lord Fauci. Of course. So it's really just simple math that DeWine would end up thinking he could go full Willy Wonka and taunt his loyal Oompa Loompas with golden experimental substance tickets.
What must they think then when they gaze upon the state of Florida and see its Republican governor, Ron DeSantis, issuing pardons "for any Floridian that may have outstanding infractions for things like masks and social distancing?"
Does it even compute? Do the people of Ohio hear a foreign language when DeSantis speaks? Or even a threat to their perceived well-being? Could they be at least a little jealous? Then again, DeWine is offering a million dollars for the experimental substance hunger games. President Snow didn't offer anything like that, so lesser of two evils wins again, bitches!
We are flat-out dealing with two completely different definitions of reality among the Republican leaders in two of the most crucial American electoral swing states. That is, of course, insane. But it also a time for choosing among a landscape of bold colors. Freedom or serfdom? Courage or bed-wetting fear? True science or agitprop?
That's why every day between now and the 2024 election matters so much, which not-so-ironically means we need to concern ourselves primarily not with whom we will vote for but the man or woman in the mirror. Are we interested in self-rule or not? Does mention of 'we the people' stir us to zealous action and relentless duty, or does it fundamentally get in the way of our desire to vape our life away on a cocktail of Tiger King and approved pronouns?
Who in the hell are we? What are we prepared to do? Plebes who will just keep on taking it apparently.
So now, go and be a good little plebe, and kneel before Zod.