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Joan Rivers Outlined Her Wishes for an Epic, Star-Studded Funeral Before She Died

"When I die..."

FILE - In this Aug. 15, 1989 file photo ,Joan Rivers announces that she is starting a new syndicated talk show, "The Joan Rivers Show," in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Nick Ut, File)

The late comedian Joan Rivers, who died at the age of 81 Thursday, had previously outlined wishes for a star-studded funeral in her book "I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me."

FILE - In this Aug. 15, 1989 file photo ,Joan Rivers announces that she is starting a new syndicated talk show, "The Joan Rivers Show," in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Nick Ut, File) FILE - In this Aug. 15, 1989 file photo ,Joan Rivers announces that she is starting a new syndicated talk show, "The Joan Rivers Show," in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Nick Ut, File)

"When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything's in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action...I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene!" she wrote.

"I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents," Rivers added. "I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing 'Mr. Lonley.' I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag."

And finally? Rivers wanted a "wind machine so that even in the casket" her hair would be "blowing just like Beyonce's."

Follow Oliver Darcy (@oliverdarcy) on Twitter

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