In Sarah Miller's first-person piece for New York magazine's The Cut, she describes in detail her "best abortion ever" — her second in the space of one year when she was 41 years old.
"I was no stranger to abortions; I'd had two before, but never in the same year," Miller writes. "In fact, 30 percent of the times I had sex in 2011, I got pregnant. So there I was in November, having already aborted 50 percent of that year's pregnancies, hoping to make it a nice round 100 percent. I just had to decide how."
'Jimmy's Leg Removal Emporium'
Miller said she had her first abortion in a New York clinic when she was 24 in the early 1990s. Sitting in a room with about 15 other women, she wrote that the group was "made to watch a film explaining what an abortion was — just in case I had mistakenly stumbled into Jimmy's Leg Removal Emporium."
Second time in a year
Miller noted that when she discovered she was pregnant for the second time in 2011, she "wanted so much to snap my fingers and magically make the whole thing go away" — and that waiting was perhaps the hardest part.
"While you wait, you just have to walk around being pregnant when you know you don't want to be a mom, and meanwhile you kind of are a mom, and you never notice how much our culture is about moms and motherhood until you're at a point in your life when you really, really do not want to think about it," Miller added.
'Maybe I should just have a baby'
At the clinic, she said the idea of going through with her pregnancy hit her.
"Maybe I should just have a baby, the thought came again, stronger than ever," Miller wrote. "Maybe it could be my last chance of having someone love me. And also, just as a very immediate perk, I would leave this place right now. I put down my pen and thought about what it would be like to just have a baby" rather than getting an abortion.
But she wrote that a receptionist told her that handheld manual aspirators instead of vacuum aspirators sped up abortions.
"We've gotten wayyyyyy better at abortions," Miller recalled the receptionist telling her and adding that "the woman who works on Tuesdays is amazing."
Miller wrote that she agreed to opt for the faster procedure — and said the receptionist looked "happy" and even said "yay."
"This woman is seriously just so incredible at abortions," Miller recalled the receptionist saying. "I think you're really going to like it."
'Best abortion I ever had in my whole f***ing life'
Miller said the procedure was painful and lasted about 10 seconds.
"Holy s**t," she said she exclaimed after it was over. "That was hands down the best abortion I ever had in my whole f***ing life. You're amazing."
On her ride home, Miller said she found herself listening to Van Halen's "Runnin' With the Devil" on the radio — and on that same ride she stopped in a record store, bought the group's debut album, and cranked it up on the rest of her way home.
"I'm not a failure, I thought, I have a pretty good car stereo, and I'm not pregnant, and I am not having cramps, and there is no blood in my underwear, not a speck," she recalled thinking. "I felt like the most successful, luckiest person alive."
Miller noted hearing singer David Lee Roth's famous opening lyric: "I live my life like there's no tomorrow."
Her response? "Dude, me too!"